I have decided that we live in an animal sanctuary. Our town is small but not that small, really....population 38,400. (Thanks Google) I live 4 blocks from Target, we are not that small.
Today alone I wrestled a snake from Seraphina, the cat, and I also "tried" to scare a possum off the fence. Now I did not grow up in the woods, I am a city girl. Love Love Love the city. It wasn't until I got married and then had 2 kids that we moved to the smaller suburb. Grant it, I live 20 minutes from a real mall, fancy boutiques and well the city.
Confession: under these beautiful highlights, thanks Leslie you rock, I do have some strawberry blonde roots. (Notice how I used strawberry and the smaller text to hide the truth!) It wasn't until after the "incident" when I was frantically telling my husband the recap play-by-play that I realized possums play dead when frightened. (Thanks Over the Hedge I always knew watching those kids movies over and over again would come in handy!)
Now Seraphina and I have a love-hate relationship. For some reason she loves me and well I hate her. Not because she is a bad cat, in fact she is an AWESOME cat. I can't believe she is still alive. I don't know how many times I caught the younger one, when she has 2, carrying her around by the neck. No scratches no bites, she takes it?!? Totally confused by that. I hate her not really her but her dandruff or whatever makes you allergic to cats!
We have an attached garage that has a door to the backyard. I always call her in through that door. Tonight I opened the door called for her. She didn't show after a couple of whistles so I grab my flip flops and headed out back. We have a long covered back patio and privacy fence around the yard. Seraphina loves to walk across the top of the fence posts, its a perfect walkway. So I immediately looked to my left to the fence to try and spot her. I heard some movement and low and behold it was a possum. I froze, I didn't know what to do, me Mrs. Useless Information didn't know what to do. I went into my hood-rat mode, yes I was hip at some point in life! I started talking sh*t to the possum.
Now let me reassure you sticks and stones my brake his bones but words will never hurt him, oh no. Remember I didn't realize that possums play dead until after the confrontation so I thought oh hell ya he was a tough cookie. I ran back into the garage and grabbed the shovel. It did take me a few minutes to decide between the pointed shovel or the flat shovel. I went with the flat shovel because it had a gray handle. I am wearing gray stretch pants with these cute buttons down the side but just halfway up the calf. I immediately thought "ACCESSORIZE". I don't want to be dead or have to call 911 with a shovel that doesn't match, really?!?
After the fashion crisis was adverted, I ran back out blasting. I was talking about his mama I wasn't holding back. That's when I spotted Seraphina laying on the rocking bench on the patio. She had been there the WHOLE time. She wasn't scared of the possum. She was taking a nap. The same Seraphina that likes to catch birds, snakes, mice, gophers, moles and insects didn't give a crap that there was a possum on the fence?!?
My next thoughts were of poor Seraphina. I was only trying to save her life and well that's what I yelled at her while I was chasing her. Imagine if you will me running at the cat with a shovel in my hand yelling "Seraphina come here. I am ONLY trying to save your life. Bitch, where are you going?" I am 100% positive that my neighbors think I am crazy, so be it. Don't bother me none, I am still going to yelling at the crazy cat when she runs from me.
After corralling the cat in the garage, I once again turned my attention to the possum. Which was in fact standing completely still and at the time I thought he was ready to throw down. I am not a b*tch that walks away from fight except at the end after I kicked your ass. I am not tall but I do have a "Napoleon complex", get in my space and you will see.
I started banging the shovel on the patio floor and talking more sh*t. I got really close to him. I was in a batters position ready to swing. I thought he would run off, in hind sight I should have turned the hose on him. He stood completely still that's what freaked me out the most, I couldn't figure out if he was going to attack me or just stand there. You know I did just get my hair done today. I can't afford two visits in one week. That's when I slowly walked back inside never turning my back on him. I wanted to be prepared. I called the hubby and of course he starts snickering even before I tell him the good parts.
I am so glad that I can provide some comedic relief to someone. Needless to say, I still believe that I saved Seraphina's life even if she doesn't think so which she doesn't. She is once again sound asleep and the possum is gone. My hair looks good and well now to watch Ghost Adventures...Scooby-douche!! LOL!!!