I have PCOS & I am MAD as HELL

Yes you read the title correctly, I have PCOS & I am MAD as HELL! For those of you who have never heard of it and refuse to google it, PCOS stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Layman's terms: a woman trapped inside another woman's body that looks like a man!

I was first diagnosed about 18 years ago. The treatment really hasn't changed much at all. They still tell me that if I was skinny my life would be perfect. I wonder to myself sometimes if these "doctors" (I use that term loosely) even really listen to themselves. "OK, I know you are having lots of issues and I refuse to address any of them. Fat ass if you would get up off your lazy ass and worked out then maybe you would be happier with your looks. Come back in 6 months or whenever you get your self-esteem back up and functioning, we will look at the issues again and see what other creative way I can smash your self worth! Wait did I say creative, oh sorry I meant cruel and unusual. Creative would imply that I tried to help in the least little way. Don't forget to check out and give me ridiculous amounts of money to waste on my mistress and drug addiction!"

I guess I might be blowing it all out of portion because I have been known to do that a time or two. It is truly sad I think when you pray to be diagnosed with Cushing's Disease at least that way there is a cure.

So I assume you have guessed already that I had to return yesterday to the doctor for my next step in the "no where process". I do not have Cushing's yes I was very upset about that. By the way, I do not understand why a specialist for PCOS are only in fertility clinics, that should tell you exactly how they treat the disease. Let's give the woman with lots of hormone issues more hormones just so she can have a baby because really that is all they are good for any ways.

After having to wait for 30 minutes while the doctor played the Easter bunny (harvesting eggs), I was told once again if you just would lose weight you would be happier. OK I understand that people who are overweight have lots of health issues but the issue with me is that I am healthy but I keep gaining weight. After looking through my 45 day food journal (yes I was completely honest), she was actually surprised by my increase in exercise and self control over food. Yes there were days where I ate out or had chocolate but it was maybe twice over the 45 day span. I also exercise quit a bit. I do 35-45 mins on elliptical, walk to take daughter to and from school, either 30 mins Pilate or yoga and my weights (small weights with lots of reps for toning) everyday.

It sucks! But I am not giving up yet. I keep telling myself that I could just quit exercising, quit watching what I eat and just become ginormous. I just can't do that to my girls. At some point I will have to make a public appearance with them and I just don't want to be the mom that looks like she doesn't care about herself. Yes I think that people that are as big as I am just don't care about themselves. I think that is what keeps me motivated I care about ME. I like ME. I just want to like the me that is staring back in the mirror!

I'm no beauty Queen, I'm just beautiful ME!!!!!

1 comment:

Amber @ Luv and Laughter said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I totally understand your pain! I've always been overweight. No matter how much I watched my diet, how much I exercised, I could never lose weight. In college, I should have been super skinny with the amount of exercise I got. It wasn't until two years ago when I switched family doctors and then shortly after started TTC that I was diagnosed with PCOS and thankfully my PCP was understanding about not being able to lose weight and the symptoms I was having. Even though the OB/GYN keeps telling me to lose weight. It's always a battle.

The doctor put me on Metformin to help with trying to regulate my cycles and so far it hasn't helped with that, but has helped me to lose about 40 pounds over the last year or two. But I can't stand the excessive facial hair that I have developed, especially when people are rude enough to point it out.

Good luck and if you need someone to vent to about PCOS send me a message. BTW, September is National PCOS Month. We have a whole month dedicated to us and the fact that the rest of the world see's PCOS just as an infertility issue and not a disease.